Sometimes I feel like ..........

a used-up and worthless old woman ......... he called again tonight .... just to talk ..... he called Saturday night at 11:10 PM ... talked for over an hour ..... he was drunk again ..... I had woke up with the whopper headache I had went to bed with .... so again this morning I had another hangover headache ..... he drinks I get the headache ..... he told me things over and over and over last night .... tonight he asked me questions he asked me last night .... I told him again .... then I asked him " what you don't remember ?" ... he usually does .... of course I'm the one with "most-timers" it is so bad I have to write things down ... then lose the paper . .... remember again , write it down again then try and do it then . I just have too many things going on in my head .... it is full ...... but then it is always full of crap .... useless information . nothing to help me get a job ... I have No skills ... he wouldn't let me work .... "you stay home and raise the kids and take care of everything" .... well I did , the last one is almost 18 .... then What ??? .... 'ell if I know ..... no skills , too old , worthless , too worn out to work ( bad shoulders and back ) ..... yep that's me . that's the way I feel sometimes .... is just a fact ... nothing else . last night he hinted at me getting a job ..... I laughed to myself I had to reallllly bite my tongue ....... he throws it up in my face very often " you have a high school deployment " (he can not or will not use the right word) , yes I went and got my GED 10 yrs after I should have graduated and what did it get me .... not a dang thing ! he had a fit when he found out I had went to day school at the chruch so I could get my GED .... just because I wanted to get it just for me no-one else so I would have "finished" something . there is just too much going on that I can not control .... I do like my control ( what little I have of it ) ..... I did not tell him what I was thinking about , worrying about , hurting for ..... he only half listens and half understands then fills in the rest with what he Thinks is going on and why . the world does not revolve around him .... people do not do what he wants just seconds before he thinks of it .... if we did it would be done wrong anyway ...... there is no pleasing the man ! he did seem in a good mood last night and tonight . I did worry for a while last night , he says " you never tell me how much money I have in the bank" .... man oh man I could hear him cussing all the way from Okla. .... I never save enough .... well I did not tell him . so now he wants to send his oh so poor brother $500 to make brother feel better ... we just scrape by ... oh so poor brother has stocks and things ..... it would be to make himself feel better , be a big man ( in his own eyes ) .... he expects his sister to go in half for oh so poor brother .... she might . I wish we had stocks and things for his retirement ..... but I save money ... he spends money ....... after-all it is his !!!! I love him but he drives me crazy !!!!!!!